Thursday, October 30, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Someone freaking stab me...
Mood: hurt
wanting comfort
listening to: My computer breathe
location on my couch.
I have got to stop this.
all in two days I got a boyfriend and I lost a boyfriend. things could not get any shittier. I love Anthony. He was the one. I thought he finally asked me out and then I find out it might not have been him but one of my friends or a hacker online that night. I was so happy. And when I went to my almost brother for comfort he told me to tell my dad. What the FUCK IS THAT!
He of all people! I though he was on my side. now I am not so sure. I thought he would at least try to comfort me. but no after that he asked me how my day was going.
I LOVED HIM DAMMIT AND I freaking found out that it wasn't him who asked me out but one of my friends. HOW THE HELL do you think I am feeling eh?!!?
Dammit. I love you too. But you make me so freaking angry/frustrated. In the end you always have a way of getting me to forgive you. you are so unaware of what I am going through right now. and even though I know that you will not read this (I'll make sure of that). I want you to know that I am not alright. I am sick. I want to cut I want to kill myself. I want to throw up and be something better than I am right now.
I want help. I don't want it. I want you. I want Anthony. I want somone who will fucking stay with me. But
I
can't
deal with this anymore.
I want to know...did you even think about what it would mean to me by calling me your sister?
wanting comfort
listening to: My computer breathe
location on my couch.
I have got to stop this.
all in two days I got a boyfriend and I lost a boyfriend. things could not get any shittier. I love Anthony. He was the one. I thought he finally asked me out and then I find out it might not have been him but one of my friends or a hacker online that night. I was so happy. And when I went to my almost brother for comfort he told me to tell my dad. What the FUCK IS THAT!
He of all people! I though he was on my side. now I am not so sure. I thought he would at least try to comfort me. but no after that he asked me how my day was going.
I LOVED HIM DAMMIT AND I freaking found out that it wasn't him who asked me out but one of my friends. HOW THE HELL do you think I am feeling eh?!!?
Dammit. I love you too. But you make me so freaking angry/frustrated. In the end you always have a way of getting me to forgive you. you are so unaware of what I am going through right now. and even though I know that you will not read this (I'll make sure of that). I want you to know that I am not alright. I am sick. I want to cut I want to kill myself. I want to throw up and be something better than I am right now.
I want help. I don't want it. I want you. I want Anthony. I want somone who will fucking stay with me. But
I
can't
deal with this anymore.
I want to know...did you even think about what it would mean to me by calling me your sister?
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Jealousy is disgusting...
Music: Out Here All Night by Damone and Not You're Alone By Saosin
Location: In my living room
Mood: tired/ cold
In need of: A hug from a certain somone
My heart has so many strings, strings that belong to so many people. Those people hold my heart, if they pull to tight. My heart will hurt. It will be squeezed till it hurts and I scream. But no one hears, because they are too far away to listen.
I made that up all by myself. Amazing eh?
So theres this girl who always gets me all fired up. She ,whether its conciously done or not, loves to make me jealous and sometimes I can ignore it and other times I can't help it. Envy is such an ugly feeling. I wish I didn't have that emotion. But alas I do. And it sucks. Big time.
I also have to go see a therapist. God those freaking weirdos. I hate going to see them. They freak the shit out of me.
My mom and my dad are all crazy on my ass. Its all hectic and they make it worse. I wish Mrs. B had kept her mouth shut. But again, we don't always get what we want. God. So just another blog thing for another stupid update of my pathetic life.
Here you go.
~NT~
Location: In my living room
Mood: tired/ cold
In need of: A hug from a certain somone
My heart has so many strings, strings that belong to so many people. Those people hold my heart, if they pull to tight. My heart will hurt. It will be squeezed till it hurts and I scream. But no one hears, because they are too far away to listen.
I made that up all by myself. Amazing eh?
So theres this girl who always gets me all fired up. She ,whether its conciously done or not, loves to make me jealous and sometimes I can ignore it and other times I can't help it. Envy is such an ugly feeling. I wish I didn't have that emotion. But alas I do. And it sucks. Big time.
I also have to go see a therapist. God those freaking weirdos. I hate going to see them. They freak the shit out of me.
My mom and my dad are all crazy on my ass. Its all hectic and they make it worse. I wish Mrs. B had kept her mouth shut. But again, we don't always get what we want. God. So just another blog thing for another stupid update of my pathetic life.
Here you go.
~NT~
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