Someone freaking stab me...

Mood: hurt
wanting comfort
listening to: My computer breathe
location on my couch.



I have got to stop this.
all in two days I got a boyfriend and I lost a boyfriend. things could not get any shittier. I love Anthony. He was the one. I thought he finally asked me out and then I find out it might not have been him but one of my friends or a hacker online that night. I was so happy. And when I went to my almost brother for comfort he told me to tell my dad. What the FUCK IS THAT!
He of all people! I though he was on my side. now I am not so sure. I thought he would at least try to comfort me. but no after that he asked me how my day was going.
I LOVED HIM DAMMIT AND I freaking found out that it wasn't him who asked me out but one of my friends. HOW THE HELL do you think I am feeling eh?!!?
Dammit. I love you too. But you make me so freaking angry/frustrated. In the end you always have a way of getting me to forgive you. you are so unaware of what I am going through right now. and even though I know that you will not read this (I'll make sure of that). I want you to know that I am not alright. I am sick. I want to cut I want to kill myself. I want to throw up and be something better than I am right now.
I want help. I don't want it. I want you. I want Anthony. I want somone who will fucking stay with me. But
I
can't
deal with this anymore.
I want to know...did you even think about what it would mean to me by calling me your sister?